It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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