Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
