You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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