creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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