also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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