Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
