those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
