Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I faked an abortion last night.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
