oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
