Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
