You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
don't judge my taste in strippers
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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