Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
