Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
