Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
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So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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