Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
