I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
