can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
