im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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