awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
