how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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