I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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