There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
