i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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