I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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