do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
