I accidentally had phone sex last night
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
