That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
