My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
