I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
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