whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
