covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
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I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
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That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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