I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
