God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
