Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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