he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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