Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
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I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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