He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
