dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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