the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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