i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
