To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
