I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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