conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
