YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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