I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
