you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she told me i tasted like america
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
