if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
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Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
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I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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