Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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