just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
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Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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