So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
