I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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