i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You were trust falling into bushes
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
