Screwed.edu
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Is it because I queefed?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
