Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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