ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Soap is not a condiment
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
