I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
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Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize