Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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