News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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