I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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