Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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