Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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