She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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