I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
