I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
