be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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