My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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