just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
