Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize