Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
